It's the like aiming at one rabbit with two arrows.

We've ridden in New Year's and just began to step on anonymous field.

2011 should be "busy" one in my life because I would become a senior and the time to decide which way is my own way to go.

I have to take a choice from massive options with dealing with a ton of tasks I need to do which I didn't see it carefully.

I had to do them at that time, but I didn't do that, so I must face to them.

......

I want to enbody my anxious feelings which have come to again and again, but I'm totally chickened out.

2011, 4 months left till I leave from America, and....

"Merry..."

Merry "late" Christmas for people.

I believe that no one would say "Christmas of 2010 was awful!" or "the gifts I've got for this year were what I wanted."

I've spent relax time with my roomie's family and their friends. Who knows I would have a Christmas dinner in Hawaii...me neither.

I just reviewed my last year's 25th, a lot of feelings about my little home in Japan came into my consciousness.

I'd like to explain that feeling but I'm supposed to be not able to do that so...

去年の今日、家にはお母さんと弟がいた。

お父さんはいつも通り家にいないし、お姉ちゃんも外出していていつもの三人と二匹だった。

お母さんが奮発して買ってきたという"日本風クリスマス料理"と、形の決していいとは言えない私と弟でつくったケーキがテーブルに並ぶ。

誕生日というわけではないけれど、ろうそくを立ててみる。(そして大体ここで弟とどちらがろうそくを消すかで喧嘩になって、結局二人で消す)

豪華な飾りつけも、プレゼントも、お洒落な音楽もないけれど、鮮明に思い出せるのはきっと懐かしいからではなく"恋しい"からなんだろう。

Anyway, mey you have a great holiday with your lovers... :)

"Where's my samurai?"

The last week for 1 semester's crews came out.

Mostly, the winter break is just there. Fortunately, I'm not going to back home in this time because I applied for 2 semesters.

If I were one of the members who had to go back to Japan by January, I woudn't be ready to say hello again to my family and friends in Japan.

I'd never listened 80 to 90s' Japanese music much before, however, I actually have kept listening them since I got in America.

Just one my favorite..."Butterfly" from DDR.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9sz9QzsWXc

People whose generation is the same as me, must feel nostalgic sense for this song.

One more thing briefly...

One of my friends who has studied abroad on the same college got a new boyfriend.

I always have felt kinda distance between us which I didn't feel before (when we were in Japan).

If I liken this friend to something, I would answer she is "a hedgefog held sharp needles on back."

She has polished herself well through getting new inspiration from this journey to America.

I think, now, she is much better than before. She is not who she was anymore from my inner sight.

Her English, personality, friendliness...everything seems to shine more and more like the story of raw stone.

On the other hand, I have walked slower and often stumbled even a tiny stone.

I seemed to do anything like her. Just spending to paint the time gray not to see forward on which she stands.

NEGATIVE FACE...

I bet.

I am an stupid and pissed out.

But, I want to be a person that a few people understand.

I can't be herself like a person that everyone likes.

"misunderstood genius"

Prejudice and Respect

I've kept on re-identifiding who I am since I became the minority of majority. People here call us "Asian" to be tagged/identified me and run into me as an outsider for them.

Just a few minutes ago, one or two students pulled the doors and looked around the lounge in the residence hall. And the moment they found "Asian" in the room, they closed the doors and left the room like they saw something weird.

I felt, simply, they were not willing to use the same room as Asian. "Ah...Asian is there....I did want to study here but I can't because I don't want to...."

Of course, it doesn't mean all of American students discriminate the minority (In this case, Asian people) but I can't stop thinking about slight bad feeling for them when I see any people whose face looks like uncomfortable.

I thought I did know the country America was based on many kinds of races, traditions, religions and so forth. The big movements of immigration created this country and people who live in America are just people as well as others. On the other hand, sometimes the reality would be beyond my expectation and makes me terrible feeling.

One of my friends told me that I had to respect people even if someone tick off me badly because of differences between two unfamiliar cultures. They are human being before people who are labed as one particular race.

However, to understand and overcome the prejudice should be still severe....*sigh*

Something began to fade and rust

Thanks giving break began, how you guys have spent time during this break so far?

I and two of my friends who have studied abroad in U.S are in South part of Minnesota right now for homestay. My friend's house is very nice, comfortable, and great family here.

This noon, I went to Akita, which is a Japanese restaurant near his house. It just take 10 min and he brought us by his Honda.

The dishes we ate there were pretty good and their taste were really similar to Japanese ones. We ordered many kinds of rolls, tempra, several cups of miso soup, and green tea icecream.

The most delicious dish I had in this restaurant was vegetable Udon. Thick white noodle, exact Japanese flavored soup, everything recalls me Japan.

Secretly, I decided to visit there again, and we now backed to his house.

1 year and 3 months, have passed unconsciously since I recoganized the existance of him. However, an unexpected fact from his conversation yesterday has kept me.....somewhere from him. Yellow Tulips, dry love, is here. I stopped walking because I found them around me. Yellow tulip is fading.

I expected the time "it" happened and I thought I could deal with it like picking off them. But, the yellow tulips are fading so fast, and it seems that "I" desire to delete every flowers before they are going to blossom out completely.

Sadly, I am not such a person who has great courage to cut out them...

How people judge themself and others?

Trees were tore off their dress and lost the color of the sun. The white missionary will come here soon to knit warm sweater for them.

Approximate three months have passed from the enegetic summer to nostalgic winter.

The sky is gone like they they found how to turn the light.

Numerous fairy tale's characters show up to tell us their tragedies.

I think I stepped forward a little bit than before.

However, the problematic conflicts are confronting to me.

Whenever communicating with people who have differences and similarities, we have to see ourselves through the opponents' behaviors, inner emotions, and so on.

Sometimes, the languages become either a sword which unconsciously hurts each other or a gift which brings us warm feeling with a smile.

How people judge whether it is "right" or "wrong" thing for them?

Everthing not belonged to yourself should be eliminated with a sword?

Even if you are intensive and avoidable to be injured from the million of "linguistic" sharp arrows with a big "emotional" fury, it would be too tough to cry out.

How you judge yourself and others?

The awareness of sense of "self"

Thank you for coming here, I was not here for a long time because I was kinda busy in order to processing to study abroad. But now I am here, Minnesota which is one of the states of U.S.A.

When looking over the summer, I realized how I've never put myself on hard working. I always escape from stuff I don't want to do. I pretended it completely.

I still can't write what I want to tell in English well because I've done nothing. I'd like to try so give me a chance one more time....